Lighting The Darkness. Keeping You Covered.
Growing-Season 2026
Dayquan Campbell, 18, robbed an East New York pizzeria at gunpoint just after midnight, making off with over $1,000. Later that same night, he returned to the shop to buy a slice and was recognized by the cashier, who called the cops and got him busted. Which raises the obvious question: Why would you pay for a slice at a pizzeria when you’ve just learned how easy it is to steal from it? nymag.com
That might’ve been the Facebook status update left by Jonathan G. Parker, 19, as he was inside the Martinsburg, West Virginia house he was robbing. Yes, you read that right.
Parker was inside the house, checked his Facebook profile, and left his account open on the victim’s computer before fleeing. He was wicked hard to catch. Parker entered through a bedroom window and ransacked two diamond rings worth more than $3500.
The victim’s computer was in the same room as the rings, so maybe after he was through Googling “best escape routes,” Parker bopped onto his Facebook page. The victim also noticed that she and Parker had a mutual friend who later confessed to assisting with the crime.
Yes, Facebook is magically delicious, total HTML crack, but you can wait until you get home to see if your friend is is watching movies with her cat. Now Parker faces between one and ten years in prison. pcworld.com
Two hours after walking out of a Louisiana lockup, you need a ride home. Why not just steal that truck - you know, the one used by the county.
Lisa Cleaver, 42, was hit with theft charges and hauled back to Livingston Parish Detention Center in Livingston Monday morning after stealing a department of public works truck — and leaving her discharge papers inside, according to the Livingston Parish Sheriff’s Office.
To be fair, the county truck wasn't Cleaver's first choice. Originally she tried to hijack an unmarked squad car from the jail parking lot immediately after her 7 a.m. release on criminal trespassing charges.
Cleaver then made off with the public works truck before ditching it and hitching a ride with someone heading south along State Highway 63, police said. Authorities rushed to the area after receiving reports of a suspicious woman wandering in the middle of the highway and found the blundering outlaw inside a grocery store, where she was detained.
She was charged with theft of a vehicle and attempted theft of a vehicle. The investigation into the botched heist is ongoing. nypost.com
Your Conductor
All aboard the crazy train!
A man in Florida was arrested on his birthday Friday after authorities caught him absconding with a trackless sightseeing train, and even picking up passengers, while high on meth.
Jonathan Patrick Winslow was celebrating his 57th trip around the sun on a raucous Independence Day when he turned up at the Conch Tour Train Depot in Key West and allegedly weaseled his way into conducting one of their vehicles. Winslow allegedly bamboozled a well-meaning employee into forking over the keys after claiming he used to work at the company years prior and requesting a tour of the train, according to an arrest report obtained by WPLG. The confused employee was left in the dust when Winslow allegedly sped away, thinking that surely the stranger must’ve had permission to take the train. He did not have permission to take the train, police said.
Officers responded to the depot when the stolen train was reported. It could be tracked via GPS, but was apparently already downtown. Authorities had a general idea of who they were looking for almost immediately, as Winslow had left his Kia still running in the parking lot of the depot blasting rock music, according to an arrest report.
Police were able to nab Winslow and the train was intact. He’d somehow cajoled two oblivious strangers into joining him for the ride, authorities said. Winslow “exhibited rapid speech and appeared excited” even when police told him about the charges he’d face. He claimed he only “borrowed” the train, again insisted he used to work for the company and noted that “today is [my] birthday,” according to the report.
Winslow was carted off to the county jail. When he was being searched, a corrections deputy allegedly found a pipe hidden in his pocket. Winslow tried to insist that it was “a weed pipe,” but authorities said it was a methamphetamine pipe. The short-lived conductor faces charges for burglary, grand theft auto and possession of drug paraphernalia. nypost.com